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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29418945">Chrysanthemum (Little Talks)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/mintblueroses/pseuds/mintblueroses'>mintblueroses</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Mystic Messenger (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Other, but in my heart it’s Ray, for unspecified personal reasons, he’s already dead when it starts but I figured I’d tag mcd anyway, pls be safe, read notes for content warnings, specifically this Saeran is good ending, vent fic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 12:15:25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,162</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29418945</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/mintblueroses/pseuds/mintblueroses</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>White chrysanthemums represent death, grief, and mourning. Red chrysanthemums represent love. </p>
<p>Saeran is gone now, and in your grief you imagine seeing him one last time. </p>
<p>Based loosely on the song Little Talks by Of Monster and Men.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Choi Saeran/Main Character, Choi Saeran/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Chrysanthemum (Little Talks)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Major CWs for death, suicidal ideation, and similar things like grief and depression. </p>
<p>This felt really rushed in some spots and I feel like it told more than showed, but I wanted to express how I’ve been feeling lately.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You didn’t like walking around your own house anymore. It was too large for you on your own. Was it this big when he was still alive? It certainly didn’t feel like it. You had been grieving too hard to keep up with the any of it. Dust sat on every surface, and nothing was in its proper place. You knew worst of all the garden was a wreck. You couldn’t visit it since he had passed. It reminded you too much of him.</p>
<p>To be fair, everything did. Frozen shadows lingered in every doorway. Every corner you turned you found another place you had once experienced a memory with him. Gentle kisses in the morning, baking in the afternoon, having meals together throughout the day. Sometimes you would stand for minutes on end, just thinking about true various things you used to do together.</p>
<p>It was so unbelievably empty without him. You’d find something cute or funny while scrolling the internet and want to show him, but you couldn’t. You’d wake up from a nightmare and immediately go to turn to him for comfort, but you couldn’t. You wanted to share the type of conversations lover had, but you couldn’t.</p>
<p>Sometimes he would visit you in your dreams. You two would talk about everything and nothing, or sometimes you would watch him die over and over. In one dream, the world seemed out to get you but you remember clutching on to him tightly and whispering repeatedly that you loved him. You were sure he hadn’t heard you, but you certainly felt like you hadn’t said it enough in the waking world. When the dreams were disturbing, you weren’t sure whether you were more terrified or just happy to see him in any form.</p>
<p>Speaking of seeing him, his visits weren’t limited to your dreams. Was he a ghost? A hallucination? Were you daydreaming? You weren’t sure, but it always hurt. Tonight was another one of these visits. You were laying in bed, eyes closed, using the covers to hide your tear-stained cheeks.</p>
<p>“My love.”</p>
<p>You didn’t open your eyes. When he spoke to you like this, you knew he wasn’t really there. He was gone forever. It felt insane. You felt insane. </p>
<p>“My love, please look at me,” he practically begged.</p>
<p>Almost against your will, your eyes snapped open and you pulled the blanket down. He was standing above your bed, a soft expression in his mint colored eyes.</p>
<p>“You are awake.”</p>
<p>Barely.</p>
<p>“Darling, I’ve missed you.”</p>
<p>Your logical side was telling you not to speak to him. Only pain could come of that. Your emotional side, through tears eyes, decided to do it anyway.</p>
<p>“I’ve missed you too. The house is too big and empty without you. I hate it.”</p>
<p>“I’ll hold your hand. Would that be better?”</p>
<p>You weren’t sure he actually physically could like this, but all you wanted to do was run into his arms.</p>
<p>“Sometimes at night, I can’t sleep. I hear your footsteps on the staircase.”</p>
<p>“It’s just the old house. It’s telling you to go to sleep so we can meet again.” He suddenly looks you up and down, eyes shining in concern. “How long has it been since you changed clothes?”</p>
<p>“Three days.” </p>
<p>It was too hard to get the energy to do anything anymore. His eyes reflected pity.</p>
<p>“It kills me to see you like this.”</p>
<p>There was a pause before you spoke up again.</p>
<p>“I don’t want to keep talking like this.” He tilts his head at your words. “It hurts, and there’s a part of me that knows it’s not real.”</p>
<p>“Tell that part I just miss talking with you.”</p>
<p>“What if I came to see you again?”</p>
<p>The words came out before you could think them over. He nearly took a step back. Fear shine in his eyes.</p>
<p>“W-what do you mean, darling?” He seemed to know exactly what you meant.</p>
<p>“Everything could be over so soon. Our past would be gone, but we’d still have each other.”</p>
<p>“I know I said I miss you, but please don’t. You deserve to keep living,” he said. “Don’t you remember what we used to talk about when we walked in the garden? When we were so full of life and love?”</p>
<p>“I do.” You didn’t want to think about your future, or your past. You just wanted him. “I said I’d stay alive for you. But the situation is different now.”</p>
<p>He steps slowly closer, and you find yourself unconsciously shifting towards him as well.</p>
<p>“Some days, I don’t know if I am wrong or right.” Once again, the words come out suddenly. There’s just so much you want to say to him, and your filter can’t possibly contain it all.</p>
<p>“Your mind is playing tricks on you, my dear.” His expression turns down. Once again, it’s hard for him to see you like this.</p>
<p>“Why am I seeing you?” You asked suddenly. “What are you? I know it isn’t really you.”</p>
<p>“Who’s to say it isn’t? Truth changes based on who perceives it. All you need to know is I’m safe now, as safe as I can be anymore. You’ll be fine too.”</p>
<p>Would you, without him? He was the reason you could tolerate seeing yourself in the mirror, and even the reason you woke up on your worst days. When things had gotten bad, you had stayed alive for him. He was gone and you wondered if you should be as well.</p>
<p>You were tired. No, it was more than that. You were exhausted. You knew if you were dead, you’d ironically feel more alive. Even if he didn’t await you in heaven, the void that would greet you instead would be nicer than this.</p>
<p>The funny thing about loss, and other terrible events, was that you always heard about them and knew other experience them. You just never expected them to happen to you until they did. Would knowing you were going to lose him make it hurt less, though? In a lot of ways, it would be worse, but at least you could actually say goodbye.</p>
<p>While you lay in thought, he watched you, eyes glittering with unliked tears. You hardly realized you were tearing up as well, until you felt tears fall down your cheeks.</p>
<p>“My love,” he says once more. It’s very soft, in both volume and emotion. “I think it’s time to rest.”</p>
<p>For you, and for him.</p>
<p>He sat at the foot of your bed. It didn’t dip under his weight. You reached a hand out as if to touch him, but your hand would’ve probably gone right through him. As you drift off, the idea enters your head that he won’t be there upon you waking up. Still, you eventually fell asleep with the last image in your mind being his kind mint eyes. You could’ve sworn you heard one last “I love you”, but that could just be your wishes.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I lost my boyfriend recently and while the situation was entirely different, I do hallucinate his voice at night. I’d prefer not to elaborate on anything else involving him, I just wanted to vent.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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